Commentating, Conclusions and Careless Communication
What's the rugby player at the right thinking? What is his strategy as he breaks free of the tackle and rushes to make the try (the rugby equivalent of a touchdown)?
Well...it's my son, Will, in the photo and I—the all-seeing and all-knowing mother—don't even pretend to know. Yet as I watch football, which is one of my favorite pastimes, I'm always amused to hear the commentators say with such conviction exactly what players are thinking and even feeling.
What if that happened to us at work? I can't imagine what it would be like to hear the voices of the NBC NFL team commentating on every decision and move I make through the day...
"You know Bob, I noticed she still hasn't gotten those 1099s out. I think this reckless procrastination is the pattern that will be her undoing!"
"Keith, that woman smiles more than anyone I know. Obviously, nothing bothers her!"
Everything they could conclude would be based on assumptions. Unless they're stating fact. "Keith, if she doesn't get those 1099s done by January 31, you're sure to see a penalty flag from the IRS."
How often do we jump to conclusions about people and situations?
Do you really think you know what motivates another person?
How often do we let the patterns we've seen trap someone else in a role they don't deserve? If you think you are going to find someone irritating, offensive, boring or charming, guess what—you will!
Today, try to let people be who they are. Remove the filters of past experience and see them in a fresh light. If you must look for something in them, let it be something good. And here's a really powerful thought: do the same thing for yourself!
Here's to conclusions based on facts and relationships built on understanding. For goodness sake.
Note: For help managing assumptions read the post Assumptions...Life's Little Shortcuts.
Posted by Mimi Meredith at 1/7/2010 8:56 AM 
Categories: Relationship Building,Communication
Tags: Sports Commentators Football Rugby Assumptions Relationship Building Communication
Categories: Relationship Building,Communication
Tags: Sports Commentators Football Rugby Assumptions Relationship Building Communication
I like how you set this post up--with the sports commentators speaking. I could hear a sports analyst-like voice commenting about you. Funny. That WOULD be an odd way to go about your business. I guess it's a good thing the athletes can't hear what's being broadcast on TV.
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Thanks for the wonderful laugh. I played off of this one in my blog today.
I have a child who is constantly asking me WHY various people are doing what they’re doing, especially complete strangers we pass on the street. I’m usually wondering myself.
So I reply for the dozenth time, “How would I know?”
Then I invite him to guess, in case he wants to write novels, too. It’s the only profession I’ve found where one can assume that omniscient point of view, reporting someone else’s thoughts and feelings--and be right!
And I think that’s one of the chief attractions for us as readers. I know I enjoy experiencing someone else’s heart and mind from the inside. So many plots are even built on dramatic irony, where we get to know more than the characters, who stumble around in the dark the way we usually do. In memoirs, I can enter others’ intimate perceptions of their experiences. Reading has given me thousands of lives in one.
Reading and writing let me experience the omniscient point of view. Then when I return to stumble around in my actual first person limited-point-of-view life, I have the insight to realize I don’t know another’s perceptions, motives, and objectives. And what’s even more fun, I have an even longer list of assumptions I’m experienced enough to make!
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Isn't it fun to make up those story lines? You and I should take a trip together...or at least go people watching at the airport. That's my favorite place to invent lives! I love the way you categorized this as our "first person point of view." I need to ground myself in that more often. My omniscient narrator seems so wise sometimes...especially when she knows exactly what my husband is thinking. Now I'll listen for that authoritative from-the-clouds voice of hers and realize that it's time to change narrators!
Thanks Gwyn!
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Once again, an excellent insight. People can be a mystery and we do our best to sort them into tidy, sometimes very dusty cupboards inside our closets of experiences. We all do it; but is it fair or right? And what we might be missing! I love it when you suggest otherwise - to see others anew. Thank you for this today!
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Thanks, Christine. The newness of a year always gives me hope that might perspective might be freshened, too.
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