Are you patient?
I ask the question, simply because I'm often not. People may ascribe that quality to me, but I rarely exhibit it.
How does patience lead to great leadership?
Often we think leaders are people who have the authority to react immediately and confidently in any situation. One CEO responded to my advice that he wait before intervening in a situation and said, "Mimi, that's difficult for me. I operate with a slash and burn approach."
He could get in there and "get 'er done," but we were dealing with people. And people sometimes need our patience. By not jumping in, he watched as a staff person exercised abilities he didn't believe she possessed to deal with the situation on her own. Her department was stronger for it because her leadership was affirmed. Had he followed his instinct, the result would have been the same (a trouble-causing employee was asked to leave), but the fallout would have been significant, as I'm sure you can guess...or have experienced.
How does patience work in parenting?
I try to remember the words of Khalil Gibran's On Children..
Your children are not your children.Too many times I get caught up thinking I know who and what my children should be. I have hopes for amazing lives for them. But sometimes my high hopes become so focused, I forget to see how amazing they already are.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you...
I believe our children are meant to take their own form, not the ones we painstakingly lay out for them. That means having their own thoughts, opinions, methods of doing things...it's frustrating. We understand our ways, but sometimes, if we're patient and watch their ways unfold, we'll be delighted to understand even more. They become themselves...and comfortable enough with who they are to create amazing goodness in the world. (Of course, I also believe there's a lot more to this balance than this paragraph can contain. Maybe we should have a series on parenting?!)
How does patience work in relationships?
I'm pretty calm and patient in big critical moments, but it's the little moments where I move from zero to irritated in nothing flat. I lecture all the time about The GAP. I know how to listen and why it's important...but it's not my first response...and I so want for it to be. Instead, what I'm really accomplished at is keeping a pleasant and accommodating face on even when I'm highly agitated. My insides don't always match my outside...and I'm not a big fan of duplicitous characters.
In response to the blog post on Gossip earlier in the month, Susan Mathers Valach wrote: Before I let a word out of my mouthI try to ask myself; Is is true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Does itimprove on the silence?
But to create the space to have that conversation with myself I first have to have patience.
pa•tience |ˈpā sh əns|How do you build capacity? How do you practice patience? Teach me...I'm all yours!
noun
1 the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.
Note: While I was typing the last words, Sage ran past the window with another of my container plants in her mouth...so send your advice quickly please!
Posted by Mimi Meredith at 1/18/2010 8:39 AM 
Categories: Life Balance,Relationship Building,Leadership
Tags: Relationships Marriage Parenting Patience Leadership
Categories: Life Balance,Relationship Building,Leadership
Tags: Relationships Marriage Parenting Patience Leadership
Oh, I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't love to have a bit more patience! One of the best parenting books I ever read (and my children are now 29 and 31, so you can figure out how long ago it was) was called "How to Talk so Kids will Listen and How to Listen so Kids will Talk." I see it is still available on Amazon, and it is terrific, with lessons that apply to all kinds of listening, not just to kids.
One tip I especially remember--to use with a child who has expressed strong emotion such as anger or sadness -- is to say, "Wow, you really sound like you're angry about this. How angry are you? Are you THIS angry? (You then hold your hands a foot or so apart as though showing the length of the fish you just caught)...or are you THIS angry (move your hands wider apart)? Invariably, this will inspire the child to fling his arms as far wide as he can get them and say, "No, I'm THIS angry," but this will defuse some emotion, let him know you acknowledge his feelings, and hopefully open up a dialogue. It's not hard to extrapolate this technique to an adult version that makes the other party feel heard and perhaps opens up the chance for further talk.
Thanks for the thought-provoking message...and I hope Sage survived
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Thanks for this example, Elizabeth. Those great parenting books are timeless, aren't they!? My children are older, too, but I remembered that line when you mentioned it. And Sage is still with us. In fact, I bought a new chew toy at Target today in my quest to find the thing I can provide that will help her leave my things alone!!
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First of all, Mimi, you have to have patience to post here. You can't just come in and comment. Ta-da! Nope. You have to first enter the security code. THEN you have to post your contact info in all over again--even though you did it LAST time. So, I'm practicing patience just by coming here, as I did it, AGAIN, anyway. Good conversation starter here, by the way. I'm wondering if anyone has any comments about which area in life it is easier to practice this patience: at work? at home? with the kids?
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Sorry to hear the process is so cumbersome, Jackie. I should try commenting as a visitor (I post mine as administrator) so I can experience it first hand. Or better yet, the folks at GoDaddy should try commenting, and then maybe they'd fix it : )!
I'm eager to hear what others have to say about patience in different forums. I'm quickest to lose mine with my family, because I know they'll stick with me regardless!
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Hi, Jackie,
You're right that you do have to put in the security code every time, but my name, email, and website pop into the contact fields by default now whenever I visit Mimi's blog. Are you using the same computer you used the first time you commented? Don't know if that has anything to do with it or not.
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I forgot to reply to your last question. I'm sure this is so different from one person to another, but if I'm really honest, I have to admit that it's often easier to be patient with people outside my immediate family than it is at home. Is that along the lines of "Familiarity breeds contempt?"
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